This week in sports, plus Week 3 Picks

Chad Johnson and his wifeChad Johnson plead no contest to assaulting his now ex-wife after an argument in their car that lead to Johnson’s release from the Miami Dolphins.  Johnson originally wanted to represent himself in the court of law, but when they asked what he plead, he put in the plea of “Child Please” and that the charges should “Kiss the Baby”.  After, Johnson was told those weren’t legal terms and that he should instead plead insanity.

Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy were in the same group to open up the Tour Championship on Thursday.  Tiger dubbed Rory the nickname, “The Intimidator” after the media asked if Tiger was intimidated by Rory.  McIlroy took the name seriously and showed up naked to the tournament looking to attack Arnold Schwarzenegger and to kill John Connor.   There is no rule against that, allowing McIlroy to shoot a -1 on the day.

Peyton Manning threw three interceptions Monday Night in a loss to the Atlanta Falcons.  Questions arose about Peyton’s arm strength after the game, where Peyton then called out every single member of the media to an arm wrestling contest while kissing his biceps. He then winked at the camera and gave a shout out to Ed Hochuli, who he’s been training with in the offseason to get his biceps up to par.

The New York Giants defeated the Carolina Panthers on Thursday Night Football.  The Giants were without starters Ahmad Bradshaw, David Diehl, and Hakeem Nicks, while the Referees were without any knowledge that an actual football game was being played.  Nicks, Bradshaw, and Diehl – despite being hurt – tried putting on Referee shirts from the Footlocker outside the stadium, proclaiming “We’d be a lot less bias than that guy that had Saints pictures on his Facebook!”

USC, the No. 2 team in the nation, was upset by Stanford on Saturday.  Midway through the 4th quarter USC was making an effort to comeback, but on a crucial third down when Lane Kiffin was calling in the play to Matt Barkley, he said “I Gotta Go”, and ran off the field.  USC would later be upset, and Kiffin explained that his wife made some exquisite Key-Lime Pie and he had to “get the f outta dodge”.

The NHL has locked out its players for the 3rd straight time under Commissioner Gary Bettman.  The NHL Lockout now ranks below the NFL Referee Lockout, the The Chicago Teacher Lockout, The Lockout between me and every girl in the world, The Lockout of Levi forgetting his keys in his car, and the Lockout of Homosexuals and Chic-Fil-A.

After a mediocre Week 1 where I went 8-8 (I look at Week 1 as my Preseason, just a warm up for the real season), I bounced back last week going 12-4 and getting my upset picks correct.  I look to maintain my awesomeness in picks in Week 3 and take some underdogs again.  Enjoy!

STL vs. CHI – The Rams are 1-1 with an improved defense, they will go into Chicago and pick off Jay “I’m Color Blind” Cutler at least 3 times. Winner: Rams

Buff vs. CLE – A battle of two of the more exciting running backs in the NFL, the New CJ2k and Trent Richardson, Buffalo will try and stop the run and will pull out a victory.  Winner: Bills Read more…

Chad Johnson wasn’t going to make the Dolphins

Chad Ochocinco

Tuesday night’s episode of Hard Knocks was highly anticipated because it was sure to take viewers inside the Dolphins’ decision to cut receiver Chad Johnson after he was arrested on a domestic violence charge, and it delivered with a dramatic conclusion.

But what the episode also showed was that the Dolphins might have cut Johnson even if he were a model citizen.

In footage shot last week, before Johnson’s wife accused him of head-butting her, Johnson was seen struggling on the practice field and becoming frustrated with his own performance at practice, at one point berating himself on the sideline for what he called “a rookie f–king mistake.” Dolphins offensive coordinator Mike Sherman was shown in the coaches’ box during the Dolphins’ preseason game, becoming furious when Johnson dropped a pass. And head coach Joe Philbin was shown talking about Johnson struggling to learn the offense: Philbin didn’t seem impressed with Johnson’s grasp of the playbook, or with Johnson’s failure to learn the responsibilities of the slot receivers in the Dolphins’ offense.

Dolphins quickly part ways with Chad Johnson after arrest

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Patrick McDermott/Getty Images

The quick decision of the Dolphins to part ways with receiver Chad Johnson suggests that the team didn’t believe his version of the events that resulted in Johnson being arrested on Saturday night for head-butting his bride. Whether they believed him or not didn’t matter.

Per a source with knowledge of the situation, Johnson was on a one-strike arrangement with the team. Coach Joe Philbin, who has welcomed plenty of distractions in the seven months since he took the job, ultimately didn’t want the added distraction of the criminal prosecution of one of his higher-profile players.  Read More…

NFL Sunday morning one-liners

 

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Patrick McDermott/Getty Images

Here are some Sunday morning one-liners from around the league

WR Stevie Johnson wants to see more from the Bills in the coming weeks.

Armando Salguero of the Miami Herald thinks Dolphins brass will be put to the test by WR Chad Johnson’s arrest.

Kevin Faulk found it strange to watch the Patriots preseason opener on television.

Rookie LB Demario Davis could push for a starting job with the Jets this season.

The Ravens aren’t rushing to sign another tight end.

Bengals rookies were happy to get a taste of game action.

WR Travis Benjamin flashed some speed for the Browns offense.

Steelers FB Will Johnson took a roundabout route to the NFL.

LB Whitney Mercilus flashed some pass rushing skills in his Texans debut.

The Colts have activated LB Tim Fugger from the PUP list.

Said Jaguars RB Rashad Jennings, “I’m not perfect, but I very much strive to do things the right way. Football is a platform. I’m an average Joe, day and night. I’m also a goofball. I like to laugh, fart around. It just so happens I’m stuck in this body that’s capable of playing this game. I’m not bigger than anything.”  Read more…

Chad Johnson sends Goodell his own warning

Chad Ochocinco

Chad Johnson or Chad Ochocinco, we are still confused. The Dolphins wide receiver might not have delivered during his year in New England, but he’s finding a way to remain on our pages when most of the league is on vacation. That does a better job of explaining why he’s on the HBO-bound Dolphins than anything he did on the football field in 2011.

Ocho, or Chad Johnson as he’s resumed calling himself on Twitter and other places that aren’t the Dolphins roster, decided to give NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell a little advance notice about some money flowing into the league offices this season.

@nflcommish Dad… I love u but I will be a problem this year.. all fine money this year can be collected from @MiamiDolphins#management

Read more here…