Mickey Rourke, the fastest man alive

There’s this joke that starts out “So Mickey Rourke meets Usain Bolt outside a London café, at four in the morning, challenges him to a race and beats him.”

Actually, that’s no joke.

According to Rourke, that really happened.

Rourke, 59, was hanging out in London, doing what movie stars do, and he just happened to run into Bolt.  Rourke then challenged the gold medalist to a footrace.  Rourke allegedly asked Bolt to line up a few steps behind him, giving Rourke a slight head start.  The Oscar-nominated actor then beat him in a 30-yard dash, which is odd considering he was likely wearing a leather jacket, cowboy boots, baggy jeans and a lot of clanky jewelry.

Apparently sun-drenched skin and extensive, facial reconstructive surgery make one more aerodynamic and thus, Olympically viable.

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