This week in sports, plus Week 3 Picks

Chad Johnson and his wifeChad Johnson plead no contest to assaulting his now ex-wife after an argument in their car that lead to Johnson’s release from the Miami Dolphins.  Johnson originally wanted to represent himself in the court of law, but when they asked what he plead, he put in the plea of “Child Please” and that the charges should “Kiss the Baby”.  After, Johnson was told those weren’t legal terms and that he should instead plead insanity.

Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy were in the same group to open up the Tour Championship on Thursday.  Tiger dubbed Rory the nickname, “The Intimidator” after the media asked if Tiger was intimidated by Rory.  McIlroy took the name seriously and showed up naked to the tournament looking to attack Arnold Schwarzenegger and to kill John Connor.   There is no rule against that, allowing McIlroy to shoot a -1 on the day.

Peyton Manning threw three interceptions Monday Night in a loss to the Atlanta Falcons.  Questions arose about Peyton’s arm strength after the game, where Peyton then called out every single member of the media to an arm wrestling contest while kissing his biceps. He then winked at the camera and gave a shout out to Ed Hochuli, who he’s been training with in the offseason to get his biceps up to par.

The New York Giants defeated the Carolina Panthers on Thursday Night Football.  The Giants were without starters Ahmad Bradshaw, David Diehl, and Hakeem Nicks, while the Referees were without any knowledge that an actual football game was being played.  Nicks, Bradshaw, and Diehl – despite being hurt – tried putting on Referee shirts from the Footlocker outside the stadium, proclaiming “We’d be a lot less bias than that guy that had Saints pictures on his Facebook!”

USC, the No. 2 team in the nation, was upset by Stanford on Saturday.  Midway through the 4th quarter USC was making an effort to comeback, but on a crucial third down when Lane Kiffin was calling in the play to Matt Barkley, he said “I Gotta Go”, and ran off the field.  USC would later be upset, and Kiffin explained that his wife made some exquisite Key-Lime Pie and he had to “get the f outta dodge”.

The NHL has locked out its players for the 3rd straight time under Commissioner Gary Bettman.  The NHL Lockout now ranks below the NFL Referee Lockout, the The Chicago Teacher Lockout, The Lockout between me and every girl in the world, The Lockout of Levi forgetting his keys in his car, and the Lockout of Homosexuals and Chic-Fil-A.

After a mediocre Week 1 where I went 8-8 (I look at Week 1 as my Preseason, just a warm up for the real season), I bounced back last week going 12-4 and getting my upset picks correct.  I look to maintain my awesomeness in picks in Week 3 and take some underdogs again.  Enjoy!

STL vs. CHI – The Rams are 1-1 with an improved defense, they will go into Chicago and pick off Jay “I’m Color Blind” Cutler at least 3 times. Winner: Rams

Buff vs. CLE – A battle of two of the more exciting running backs in the NFL, the New CJ2k and Trent Richardson, Buffalo will try and stop the run and will pull out a victory.  Winner: Bills Read more…